Call this shit!!!

Its just the desperation of feeling too lonely which prompted me to scribble this shit.Why people come to this dollar land. Of course to make some mint money, multiply it by 45..oops!!!now its 40, use the shitty website mone2india and heap the balance there in India. Me too here in this land with the same dream. But some times in my deepest thoughts I want to settle here, but dear, think my beautiful and the colorful past.Time just runs geometrically.But what made mark, is so important.

Film rolls back...sepia images getting clear..

Its June 1985, the first day to my school. Behind my Dads scooter, wearing a huge rain coat, and a small water bottle on to my neck...It was raining heavily. Tasting the water coming from my face, I saw crying children all around.. Suddenly I also busted out in to tears. My Dad, trying hard to leave me there and go to his office and I still remember, me holding his pants, and crying to go with him....But as usual, all in vain. It’s the kick off.
Ball rolls and rolls…. I became a so called software engineer. A drastic shift from a practical Mechanical Engineer to a diplomatic software engineer . I too became the same victim, like the present youth, who shaped his feet according to the costly available shoe.

Now, thousands of miles away from my own soil, crossing seven seas and seven lands, I am here. What to gain and what to loose. Only time will prove that. Gone are those days, when I played in the rain, enjoyed the beauty of rain drops, dropping from mango tree infront of my sweet home. The days are so far behind when I climbed the mango tree and studied sitting on my favourite branch, eating mango, dipped in chilli powder and salt. Thought of the same itself is really mouth watering.Missing the days playing cricket in the ground in front of my house. Searching in the near by canal for 5 rupee ball for hours. The joy and the thrill after getting back the ball were extreme. Then again back to game, with no tensions and no issues. Missing those precious moments of sitting on the temple wall with my friends and talking all sorts of nonsense. May be those nonsense gave me some sense. The festival time at our temple near my house- That’s one of the important occasions I really want to be there, every year. The sound of chenda and panjavadyam, are not comparable with anything. That time, me and my friends used to have some beer and enjoy the rhythm of chenda and panjavadyam. The beauty of elephant…Really miss the time when we pretend to be all-in-all for the festival and try to help the girls coming there, for lighting the lamps in the thaalam. Girls will be so cute and traditional in the way they dress and more attractive when their face gets clear by the light from the “thaalam and velakku” (lamp).
My village is so beautiful and it will be great fun to ride bike through the road which cuts the vast green paddy fields. Roads are like snakes going through the grass. When I stand in the small shop during the heavy rains, I really hated the rains. But now I really want to enjoy that. Or just go out in the road and get wet completely and reach house, get some nice scoldings from my mom and have hot cup of coffee, and to sit in my couch and have the remote of my TV in hand and just lie there for hours. What a feeling man…. I really miss that time.
Family, my sweet family. The days when I fight with my brother who is 10 years younger to me, and always I get scolding from my dad for making him cry. He is so pet to my parents. And of course to me! When I will get back those days when my mom used to serve me and my brother food from the same plate. I really miss those time when we all go to temple together and stand in queue with a long petition to the God ! The day, when I was rolling on the ground around the Guruvayur temple, whole wet and my mom, dad and brother behind, all praying for me, for my well being and for my heights of success.

Now alone in this windy city of Chicago. Trying to run the time wheel in an extreme pace so that I could at least enjoy the smell of my soil, get my mom’s hug, fight with my brother and of course get some advice from my Dad. Here in this big city all the relations are purely situational. No importance to any permanent serious relations. Its just a deal. No value for commitments; a purely mechanical monotonous life. Relations are build on thread bridge, any time it can break and the people here are so mature (I don’t know if its), that they take it too cool and as part of day today life. This is a place where people think their own individuality as supreme priority. People are so diplomatic that they can just get out of any sort of so called strong relation in a quick split of second. Here heart is yet another organ in the body. People act from the brain and not from their heart. This proves the situational behaveour of the people here. Folks here are used to such kind of attitude and those sort of people go hand in hand. But till how much time they will go hand in hand? Till a notice with a header “DIVORCE” or till word “BREAK-UP”. Is this life? Am I here for this?

Never.. I have a cute loving and caring family behind, I need to get there. Or should I be here for another 2 years? Am I also becoming situational? Am I adapting to this forbidden culture. I am in a real dilemma. As said earlier let the time prove my decision. After all god is there all above.